Do life’s circumstances sometimes drag you into a pit of negativity? Do you ever wish you were contributing more positive energy into your circle of influence? How do some people seem to to rise above the chaos? The tool I’ve found to achieve this comes from renowned executive coach, Marshall Goldsmith. He and his coach do a daily exercise of asking each other questions. Doing this provides accountability. If you knew you were going to have to answer a question at the end of the day about how much time you spend being angry, wouldn’t you become more aware and work toward keeping that number low? I know it works for me.

Because I speak with my coach weekly, I’ve reinvented Marshall’s daily questions into a checklist that I can keep track of myself. Then, for accountability, I share my results weekly with my coach. It’s truly amazing how much more productive and positive I am being since I started using the tool.

View Mr. Goldsmith’s 24 questions.
View or download my daily checklist on a business card template that you can carry with you to keep focused.

My questions:

1. Did you plan your day?
2. Did you accomplish at least 80% of your plan?
3. Did you do something special for the VIPs in your life? (spouse, children, parents, etc.)
4. Did you learn or attempt something new? Did you have any aha moments?
5. How much time did you spend building relationships?
6. How much time did you spend exercising?
7. How much time did you waste?
8. How much time did you spend angry or complaining?
9. How much time did you spend on your passion or work?
10. Number of RAK (random acts of kindness) you did?
11. Number of environmentally conscious choices you made?
12. Number of times you tried to prove you were right when it didn’t change the outcome?
13. Number of destructive or sarcastic comments you made?

Share your story about how you make each day count by leaving a comment. (It will count as an RAK.)

If you’d like a custom list of questions for your life, or accountability to make them work, contact the coach.

Do you have to attend boring meetings? Listen to people you don’t care about? Or work toward goals imposed by others?  This article will help you find your mojo in any awful activity.

First, what is mojo? Marshall Goldsmith explains that mojo means having control over 3 elements:

1. Identity (Who do you think you are?)
2. Achievement ( What have you done lately?)
3. Reputation (Who do others think you are and what do others think you’ve done lately?)

Further, Mr. Goldsmith’s research has shown a clear link between having mojo and getting results.

So, how do you know if you’ve got mojo? Use this nifty scorecard that Marshall created. For every activity you want to score, you will determine both your professional and personal mojo.

Professional mojo is what you bring to the activity. On a scale of 1-10 (10 being highest) you will rate each of these 5 elements as related to the awful activity.
1. Motivation: Do you want to do a great job in this activity. (If you are just “going through the motions” when you are engaged in this activity, your score would be low.)

2. Knowledge: Do you understand what to do and how to do it. (If you are unclear on processes or priorities, your score would be low.)

3. Ability: Do you have the skills needed to do the task well. (If this activity does not fit your talents or competencies, your score would be low.)

4. Confidence: Are you sure of yourself when performing this activity. (If you feel unsure or insecure, your score would be low.)

5. Authenticity: Are you genuine in your level of enthusiasm for engaging in this activity. (If you are “faking it” or being insincere, your score would be low.)

Personal mojo is what the activity brings to you. The 5 elements you will measure are:
1. Happiness: Does being engaged in this activity make you happy. (If it is not stimulating, creates misery, or is otherwise non-joyful, your score would be low.)

2. Reward: Does this activity provide material or emotional rewards that are important to you. (If the activity is unrewarding or if the rewards do not matter to you, your score would be low.)

3.Meaning: Are the results of this activity meaningful for you. (If you do not feel a sense of fulfillment or that you’re contributing to a greater good, then your score would be low.)

4. Learning: Does this activity help you to learn and grow. (If you feel that you are just “treading water” and not learning, your score would be low.)

5. Gratitude: Overall, do you feel grateful for being able to do this activity and believe that it is a great use of your time. (If it seems like a poor use of your time or you regret doing it, your score would be low.)

Since attending pointless or boring meetings is part of many of my clients’ day, let’s look at an example of an honest mojo score with the mindset of “I don’t want to be here.”

mojoscoresample

Now, let’s shift your mindset to “This hour of my life is spent; what can I do to make this the best hour it can be?”

As I’ve used this amazing tool for myself and with my clients, I’ve learned that consciously looking for ways to make the time worthwhile will improve my score and bring results.

A few examples of ideas for maximizing your time and your mojo score from my clients and me:

• Motivation: Being at a meeting is a chance to see what others are doing and to showcase my strengths. How can I prepare for this.
• Confidence: How can I participate in this meting to showcase my communication skills.
• Happy: If people work with people they like, how can I be engaged in this meeting to show this company makes me happy.
• Reward: Since meetings are often informal interviews, who in this meeting do I ned to build a relationship with?
• Learning: What about the topic of this meeting am I making assumptions about?
• Gratitude: How many people are looking for work that would be grateful for an opportunity to contribute?

Now you know how to use the mojo scorecard. If you have an iphone or blackberry, you can download the free mojomeeter app. (I’m eagerly awaiting the droid release.)

Please add a comment about how you’re making every hour of your day worthwhile.

If you’d like accountability or coaching on this tool, ask the coach.

Video of Google’s CEO

I recently came across a couple of definitions for charisma:
Charisma is the energy that makes possible the impossible.
Charisma is the energy that enables an act of quality.

It’s interesting that it’s been 6 months since my last blog post; maybe I was lacking charisma.

I often get asked about how to create charisma when communicating persuasively as in asking for something, presenting one’s opinion, selling, and public speaking.

My answer is usually about being authentic.
People give you things when you believe you deserve them.
Your opinion will matter to others if you matter to them.
You can only sell what you believe in.
Exceptional presenters are confident about their topic and its value relationship to their audience.

Charisma can not be manufactured, it’s a function of your self-esteem. Doubt and fear will sabotage any efforts to be charismatic. If you’d like more info on how you can let your charisma sparkle, ask the coach.
Leave a comment if you have a story to share.

This holiday I received this greeting from a new service I’m using for my pro-bono work: freespeakermatch.com.

This message was especially inspiring to me because it acknowledges the fact that there are times we all feel down, out of control, or just plain negative. Part of being human is accepting life’s truth as we are experiencing it. Another part of life is looking at what other perspectives are available to us. Here’s to happy choices in 2010.

I just found 2 nails in my tire-”ugh.” Off to Discount Tire, and the “ugh” turns into “yeah.” Turns out I had a huge gash in another tire, and was lucky it had not blown yet. Of course I knew my tires needed to be checked, but I “hadn’t made time for it.” Sound familiar?

Four new tires later, I now have to rearrange my budget for the brake replacement appointment I have the next day at Munsons, Tucson.

Fast forward, to what some may not believe to be true: an auto mechanic telling me I don’t need any services right now. That’s right, I’m now thankful for the honesty and fairness of Munson’s owner who tells me that my brakes are ok for now.

The timing of these events have me thanking my lucky stars, and thanking 2 great businesses for their stellar service. It reminds me of the email that circulated after the twin towers fell about all the people who ‘were not where they should be’. And because of seemingly negative events, were now still alive. (Stuck in traffic, kids made late for work, blister on foot and needed a bandaid, etc. If you never saw this email, contact me and I’ll get you a copy.)

Next time you find nails in your tire, or are experiencing any other seemingly negative event, recognize that whatever is happening is exactly what needs to be happening. It could even be preventing a potentially worse event.

If the stress in your life has gotten out of hand, and it feels like you’re being shadowed by a black cloud, let’s talk. Turns out, black clouds usually have silver linings.

If you’ve already discovered some silver linings, share your story and leave a comment.

Tradition: bringing something from the past into the present. Typically we think of traditions as big events: summer vacation, holiday dinner parties, birthday cakes with candles for your age, etc. Traditions create memories with people we care about. They help us feel a sense of balance in an otherwise “too busy” life. Many of my clients are looking for ways to enhance the quality of their lives, and yet they struggle with finding the time.

My suggestion: create some functional traditions.

Step 1: Identify a mundane task

Step 2: Brainstorm what’s missing that if added could make a memory

Step 3: Choose an idea to test

Step 4: Adjust if necessary

Here are some examples:

Laundry Relay Race: use a stop watch and time your kids on sorting, folding, and putting away.
Make your own pizza night: start with individual pizza crusts, sauce and toppings–let everyone create his/her masterpiece.
Shared Shopping: before or after you go shopping, have your kids pick toys/clothes they no longer use to take and share with a charity store.
WII Workout Tournament: pick your favorite sport and host a tournament to see who is the fittest.
Volunteer Vacation: give your time for an afternoon, day, or longer.
Progressive Dinner Night: have each one of 3 or 4 friends cook one course of a meal.
Gardening Weed Contest: each family member pulls as many weeds as they can. Then have awards for longest root, most flowers, bushiest, most pulled, biggest leaves, etc.
Grocery Shopping Game: give each kid a part of your list. Let them help you find and load the cart. Give points for keeping calm, and take away points for acting up. Reward the winner with a treat like a popsicle or box of animal crackers

The only limit is your imagination. If you have a functional tradition, please share it!

If you want more explanation of the samples, or want other ideas on how to bring balance to your busy life, ask the coach.

Two men, both seriously ill, occupied the same hospital room. One man was allowed to sit up in his bed for an hour each afternoon to help drain the fluid from his lungs.
His bed was next to the room’s only window.

The other man had to spend all his time flat on his back. The men talked for hours on end. They spoke of their wives and families, their homes, their jobs, their involvement in the military service, where they had been on vacation, etc.

Every afternoon, when the man in the bed by the window could sit up, he would pass the time by describing to his roommate all the things he could see outside the window.
The man in the other bed began to live for those one hour periods where his world would be broadened and enlivened by all the activity and color of the world outside.

The window overlooked a park with a lovely lake. Ducks and swans played on the water while children sailed their model boats. Young lovers walked arm in arm amidst flowers of every color and a fine view of the city skyline could be seen in the distance.
As the man by the window described all this in exquisite details, the man on the other side of the room would close his eyes and imagine this picturesque scene.

One warm afternoon, the man by the window described a parade passing by. Although the other man could not hear the band – he could see it in his mind’s eye as the gentleman by the window portrayed it with descriptive words.

Days, weeks and months passed. One morning, the day nurse arrived to bring water for their baths only to find the lifeless body of the man by the window, who had died peacefully in his sleep. She was saddened and called the hospital attendants to take the body away.

As soon as it seemed appropriate, the other man asked if he could be moved next to the window. The nurse was happy to make the switch, and after making sure he was comfortable, she left him alone. Slowly, painfully, he propped himself up on one elbow to take his first look at the real world outside. 
He strained to slowly turn to look out the window besides the bed. It faced a brick wall.

The man asked the nurse what could have compelled his deceased roommate to describe such wonderful things outside the window.
The nurse responded that the man was blind and could not even see the wall. 
She said, “Perhaps he just wanted to encourage you.”

When you are facing a ‘brick wall’ in life, how do you view it? Share your story, or ask the coach if you need a new viewpoint on an obstacle in your life.

A water bearer in China had two large pots, each
hung on the ends of a pole which he carried across
his neck.

One pot had a crack in it, while the other pot was
perfect and always delivered a full portion of water.
At the end of the long walk from the stream to the
house, the cracked pot arrived only half full.

For a full two years this went on daily, with the bearer
delivering only one and a half pots full of water to his
house.

Of course, the perfect pot was proud of its
accomplishments, perfect for which it was made.
But the poor cracked pot was ashamed of its own
imperfection, and miserable that it was able to
accomplish only half of what it had been made to do.

After 2 years of what it perceived to be a bitter failure,
it spoke to the water bearer one day by the stream…

“I am ashamed of myself, because this crack in my
side causes water to leak out all the way back to your
house.”

The bearer said to the pot, “Did you notice that there
were flowers only on your side of the path, but not
on the other pot’s side?

“That’s because I have always known about your flaw,
and I planted flower seeds on your side of the path.
Every day while we walk back, you’ve watered them.
For two years I have been able to pick these beautiful
flowers to decorate the table. Without you being just
the way you are, there would not be this beauty to
grace the house.”

Each of us has our own unique flaws. We’re all
cracked pots. But it’s the cracks and flaws we each
have that make our lives together so very interesting
and rewarding. You’ve just got to take each person
for what they are, and look for the good in them.

Blessings to all my crackpot friends and relatives. Share your story of perfection my leaving a comment.

If you’re a ‘recovering perfectionist’ and want some insight, ask the coach.

I went to the Houston airport at 6 a.m. to get standby on an 8 a.m. flight (original flight was 6 p.m.). There are seats–we’re boarded–we’re not leaving. The pilot’s oxygen mask doesn’t work. No problem, they’ll get a new one–from Pittsburgh! Almost 4 hours later–no mask–I’m rebooked–on a 6 p.m. flight. Figures!

Whether I wanted to spend my day at the Houston airport or not, this is what I will do. My choice: complain about it, or look for the message. So, I guess I need to catch up on some reading, writing, talking to friends I never seem to have time to talk to, etc. The real reason for my delay will sit down next to me on my 6 p.m. flight. Emerson and Peggy Knowles: pure inspiration.

Seems Mrs. Knowles had a stroke that should have killed her. She survived. She wasn’t supposed to ever be able to walk, read, be left alone again. She does all of that and more. Mr. Knowles is her support. Together they have overcome the odds by focusing on one message that Emerson is writing a book about: focus on what you CAN do.

At a time in our world where change is swift, nothing is certain, and negativity rules the media, we can all learn from the Knowles. Whatever stress, struggle, and disappointment you’re facing now, you always control your choices.

I’ve noticed that whenever I start moving too fast on the treadmill of life, the momentum can trick me into thinking I have no choice. Many of my clients have similar issues. So, if you want to get back in touch with what you CAN do, then here are 5 ways to create a little delay in your day:

1. Exercise

2. Spend time with a child or pet

3. Take a bath, get a massage, pedicure, etc.

4. Park your car somewhere and sit

5. People watch–at the mall, in a coffee shop, etc.

While you’re delayed, here is some food for thought:

1. What have I done this week to be of service?

2. What am I most grateful for?

3. What am I taking for granted?

Has one of life’s delays given you some inspiration? Share your story in the comments. If you’re ready to get off the treadmill, contact the coach.

Also, here is more information on the Knowles.